The Voice That Isn't Yours, But Sounds So Familiar

"You can't do it." "You're too loud." "You're too much." "You're ugly." "You're too fat."

I started this post trying to come up with just a few negative things I was told, or things my friends told me they were told over the years. And surprisingly or unsurprisingly the list kept growing. It reminds me of the scene in the Barbie movie where America Ferrera's character talks about how difficult it is to be a woman. We are born struggling to prove our worth. Even today, in mid-2026, women are still debating their worth. Are we more than wives? Are we more than baby makers? Should we work? What body type is the "ideal" one?

Over and over and over again, we are inundated with thoughts, opinions, media, and marketing that tell us everything that's wrong with us. How can we combat the outside voices when our inside voice agrees?

When that inside voice isn't your own, but sounds like you while at the same time speaking the words of everyone else.

As a young girl, I didn't think I had confidence in myself, but I did. I never questioned my ability to do something or to try for something. I never stopped and said, "Oh, maybe I'm too this or that." I just did it. Then puberty hit. And somehow my voice the one that said Girl, you better go get what you want! sounded uncharacteristically unsure. She doubted. She struggled. She questioned. She stopped trying. The voice that once encouraged me was suddenly fearful. What would people say? What would they think? My need for outside approval overcame my inner desire for freedom in my uniqueness.

It saddens me to see young girls doubting themselves. But it breaks my heart even deeper to see grown women doubting themselves even more like the negative voices have grown louder and louder over the years. For me, I know exactly where mine came from: the people I wanted to please the most. The grandmother who sent me to fat camp and always questioned why my B wasn't an A. The boy I liked who said he didn't like me but could I introduce him to my skinnier, blonder friend. It's looking in the mirror and seeing the too-tall, too-fat, too-pale girl who looked nothing like her mother and sister, let alone the gorgeous models in the magazine.

Eventually, most of us find a happy medium. We still hear the negative voices, but we've learned to quiet them long enough to achieve our goals. But what happens when those negative voices reappear in the voice of your husband, or your boss, or your coach? What happens when the people you need to support you the most are the ones tearing you down?

Confidence isn't something you have or you don't. It's teeny tiny little blocks that you build over time. Sometimes someone comes along and knocks your blocks over, and you have to start building again but the foundation is always there. The negative voices become the ones struggling to be heard. You start to counter the "You're too much" with "Then go find less." The "You're too fat" with "I love my curves." It takes the effort of building and building, every day, until your voice becomes the loudest one in the room the one that makes the choices in life that matter most to you.

It's not about ego, or believing you are better than anyone else. That's not confidence. Confidence is knowing you are amazing simply by being you.